Mommy and Me... Literally

Hey guys… sorry its been awhile, but life has been crazy. You will soon see…

Well I don’t even know where to begin. I have been working my butt off, and when I get a free moment I am trying to catch up with friends and family members.

The most important thing that has happened that you all need to be caught up with is the baby’s father. I left off last time with the baby’s father being the cliffhanger. Him and I met while working at Splash Mountain. We met last June, and have had a very up and down relationship while he was gone in Texas after his program ended in August. In November we worked things out, and started to head in the right direction. He got into another College Program with Disney, and was moving back out here for me and him to work things out. We talked all the time and things were going great. His program was starting in February and he was moving out here in January to live with us. He flew out January 12^th, and it was perfect. We went to Disney, and had a great time. Everything was awesome; I was super happy, and loved every minute with him.

Then after he had been here for about two weeks, things started changing. He started hanging out at Vista Way, which is one the housing places for the College program students. He was gone all the time, and I never saw him. When I did see him he was tired from being out all night, and I started to get very upset. The end of January I went to California to visit one of my best friends to celebrate our birthday’s, which were earlier in January. He decided that while I was gone he was going to go stay with his grandparents, who live about twenty minutes away from me. I was fine with that, because I understood why he wouldn’t stay at the house by himself. While I was gone we got into a fight, because, according to him, he got a message from a guy on Facebook saying that Mike shouldn’t be with me, and that I was a waste of time. This was the beginning of the end…

I came back from California, and we didn’t speak that much, especially with all the stress that I had on my mind of the possibility of being pregnant. After I found out that I was pregnant, I had to pick a time to tell Mike. I found out the weekend of Super Bowl, and the Monday after was when he was starting his new program. He was as happy as a kid in the candy with all the money in the world about this program, and I just couldn’t tell him until after he moved in. The week that I found out that I was pregnant, I did everything I could do to start fixing my relationship with Mike. If we were about to have a baby together, we needed to be on the best of terms, and he needed to be in a good mood when I told him the news. We got him moved in all perfect, and had a great few days together, and planned on going to Disney together one day, and I knew that this would be the perfect time to tell him. We would have a wonderful time at the Parks, and then after I would tell him, yup that was my plan and I felt wonderful about it.

We get the Parks, and we are having a wonderful time, he finally got to see Captain EO, and we were getting along perfectly. Then he got a phone call, it was from Beth*. Beth is his ex-girlfriend that he dated before me, and they had problems. His mood did a complete 180. Fuck. Now I was nervous. We leave Epcot, and are on our way back to Vista, and I drop the bomb. He goes completely silent, and gets out of my car, with the words, I will text you once I can think straight. I was ok with that, I already had my time to freak out, and I knew that he was going to need his time too. About five minutes later I get a text from him saying that he is not ready to be a dad, and he can’t do it. He wants me to get rid of the baby, and is crying on his bed at the thought of having a child. I let it go, because I know he is just reacting. I try to calm him down, but its not working. I told him that I was going to give him his space, and to not to text me for a couple of days, which he does, and when I do finally hear from him, he is still saying the same thing. He states that isn’t how he planned his life, and all of that nonsense. So now I am getting frustrated. I pictured us being happy, and him growing up for me, because I thought he cared about me. All of my friends completely agreed with me, and couldn’t believe at how he was acting, and they try to reach out to him, and he ignores them, or tells them the same thing. A brick wall, and a brick wall isn’t what a baby needs…

Two weeks later I am disgusted and absolutely completely empty when looking at him. I have no feelings for him, and wonder what Mike I am looking at, the liar, the cheater, the immature child, or the bad guy pretending to be good? Either way I could care less. Reminiscing from a childhood favorite “Dear Mike, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're scum between my toes!”

I know I jumped ahead A LOT but that is for another time…

Before you go on with your day, I ask that you please say a prayer for everyone you have in your family that you love. Everyday is precious, and tomorrow is never promised. During this break I had my wonderful friends loose someone that is very precious to them. This was the probably the nicest, hardworking, and wonderful family I have ever been able to meet, and they are going through a very difficult time, so please just say a prayer for not only your own family but this family. Life is not fair, and sometimes we wonder why God does what he does, but through everything that I have gone through on my own personal level, I have come to realize that even though we know that we are good people, and haven’t done anything wrong to deserve such pain, that we can’t look at things as God punishing us, but that he knows that we are strong enough to suffer such pain, and become better people through this. God uses the strong people in life to help others, and to stop things that happened to us, from happening to other people who are not strong enough to endure such pain.